Thursday, January 20, 2011

A little history

My name is Barbara.  I created this as a journal, a way for me to say how I am feeling.  I find it easier to type things out and it helps me think through things and some times make important decisions.  I am 22, I have a husband and a son, two wonderful dogs and a beautiful house.   Sometimes I feel like I have it all, I have what every one hopes and dreams to have.  One thing I dont have, family.  Well I do, but they all live far away.   I don't really have any good friends that I hang out with.  Sure I have the occasional friend that I may see or talk to like once a month but since I had a child its like I cant go out and 'hang out' with people anymore.  Which usually doesnt bother me but sometimes it gets a bit lonely at home.  Dogs are wonderful to have around but they cant carry on a conversation.  Any how, I think I kinda got sidetracked a bit.  When I was pregnant I learned that I have cervical cancer and that Owen may be my only child.  We are hoping thats not the case but we are not sure yet.  Since I learned this I have kind of not really pressed the issue for me to get health insurance to actually find out whats going on.  I am really scared.  I was off birth control for almost two years before I finally got pregnant with my son.  The pregnancy had no major complications.  I just had so called morning sickness (should be called:  all day sickness, any time you smell food or drive sickness.)  I lost 21 lbs (I was only 115 before I got pregnant) in my first trimester and was hospitalized several times for dehydration.  Towards the end I was put on restriction because I was going into early labor and dialiting too soon.  My baby boy was born on his due date crazy enough.  At first we had issues with him having a swollen intestine and colic.  I had to switch to formula because he was losing weight and kept getting sick.  After we started him on formula he gained his weight back plus some and was almost never sick.  I say almost never sick because today I had him in urgent care because he had a fever of 101.5 since last night and he hasnt really been eating and has been crying non stop.  Turns out he has an ear infection.  I know, you may be saying, thats very common in babies, but that still doesnt make it any easier for a mom to see their sick child.  He is a strong little man though and I know he will be ok.

Any how back to some history, I grew up in PA and upon graduating hs I thought it would be a great idea to move to my dads.  It was supposed to be just for the summer but it wasnt.  I gave up an internship in accounting, a school scholarship plus all my family and friends.  I made more friends in MD and had the most wonderful job ever working at a living history museum.  Historic St. Mary's City Museum.  If you are ever close to St. Mary's in the summer time I highly recommend stopping there.  Any how...I met this wonderful man, fell in love and moved with him to NC when he got transfered for work.  Leaving my family even further away and leaving the best job I have ever had, behind.  I came to NC and hopped from one job to another trying to find something I liked.  I worked retail, pets, grooming all of it.  I have come to learn being a mom suits me best.  Due to some issues I have decided to go back to school and earn my CPA.  I am very excited about this.  Its been a while since I have worked and I really miss it.  Problem is child care would cost as much as I would be working at a regular job so I am anxious to have a degree so that I can actually make a decent pay.  Well I am not really sure where I am going with this so I guess I am done for now.  More to come soon.

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