Thursday, October 17, 2013

I am not a Human Pacifier

I know the umbilical cord was detached, and now she gets her nutrients from my breasts.  However, I didn't realize she would be attached to them as she was the umbilical cord.  She feels the need to suck on them even after she is done eating.  She feels the need to suck on them to fall asleep.  She feels the need to suck on them all the time.  I wouldn't complain if she was my only child, but she is not.  I am a wife, a homeowner, and a mom of her, plus a toddler.  My toddler needs me too, especially since I am on my own Monday through Friday.  I also need to cook, clean, laundry, and do school work.  I do tend to wear her in the mei tai to get things done, but I cannot do everything wearing her. 

Labor Day weekend when I went to my Dad's, my step-mom managed to get Charlotte to take the pacifier.  However, this caused latch issues.  She was five weeks old so I assumed it was nipple confusion and I stopped giving her the pacifier.  Now that she is older, 11 weeks, I wanted to try again.  The first time I tried she gagged and threw up.  I did not force it into her mouth, I put it on her lips and let her take it in.  The second time she tried she gagged.  I took it away before she could throw up.  I have tried letting her cry for a few minutes, (no more than five, I am not one for the CIO method).  When I do so she tries to suck on her fist.  She can't figure out how to just get one finger or a thumb in there.  She definitely has the need to suck.  I am just at such a loss, I am not sure what to do.  

I also have to keep reminding myself that I am NOT a human pacifier.  I am Barbara.  A mom, a student, a wife, a chef, a maid, a care taker.  But more than that I am me.  I rarely put myself above my kids, and I am not sure when I will ever be able able to leave both of them at the same time.   I am hoping to go to Bunco with some of my friends but no clue if that will happen with Charlotte only wanting a human pacifier.  I also have yet to get her to take a bottle.  Don't get me wrong, I love nursing, despite it's ups and downs.  I just need to let go every now and then.  

1 comment:

  1. I remember those days. My son used to be very colicky and snacked all day and all night.

    Now im attached to the pump...I can't wait for the day when I can nurse my baby. Hopefully in couple months...fingers crossed :)